The Hangout House

We all know there is always that ONE house that teens tend to hang out at. MINE is one of those homes. We live close to the high school and are blessed to have a huge basement. So there are 4-8 teen boys and girls at my house more often than I sometimes I care to have.

Growing up in a traditional family, my parents were strict and would not allow me to invite my friends, especially boys into our house. I had resolved that I would give my children that privilege.  I cook for these kids often. When they are eating, I sit and chat with them learning so much about how they interact, communicate and think. Most that come over are boys and overall they are really good kids. 

But being a host, constrains my life and is huge responsibility.  I don’t leave the house if the kids are home.  Everyone is required to pick up and clean up the mess when they leave, but they don’t always remember when they are leaving at 11 or 12 at night!  I’ve had toilets overflow several times despite telling them they don’t need a whole roll of toiletpaper to clean their behinds!  On one occasion, they all played video games while I swapped up the mess.  When I asked the boy who was responsible to just hold the garbage bag open so I could put all the wet paper towels in, he straight out refused! Thankfully it was only toilet water.

Once, a boy twisted his ankle in the basement.  Yes, in the basement! When the mother came to pick up her child, there was no thanks. Instead her look could kill, as if somehow there was some negligence on my part. During another party, while running around in the backyard, a girl fell on our all masonry patio and badly scraped her knees and elbows.   Another time, a girl accidentally threw out her retainer, which was balled up in a napkin and told my son that it was his responsibility to take find it because it was his house.  I let her know it wasn’t! Among other interesting incidences, once while cleaning the basement, my husband found a vaping pipe under the furniture.  A few of the kids identified who the culprit was, and he is no longer allowed in the house. 

As a parent, you tolerate certain impositions on your life for the sake of the  children.  But now I’m at a point where I am burnt out and a bit angry.  Many of the kids show NO appreciation and can be rude at times.  If I have to put them in their place, for say, flicking cards against the wall and creating little grooves, I am considered “mean.”  And for those who think flicking cards like a Chinese star against the wall can’t ruin your wall, I’ll send them to your house and they can demonstrate.

Out of his many friends, my teen son has been invited to only 2 of the homes.  Kids don’t need a BIG house for children to be happy in. There are those that NEVER reciprocate, or so much as buy my son a soda or slice of pizza for the constant hospitality.  AM I calling parents out?!  You bet I am!! I provide snacks and drinks but I stopped feeding kids every time they came over. I have boys that come over 9 at night and say they haven’t eaten so of course I feed them. What were the parents doing? I used to give rides here and there and beyond to many kids. Then I put a stop to it all.  One child told me his parents both work so they don’t have time.  Say what?  Uber app is very easy to download folks if you can’t help with pick up and drop offs.  

I love my boys and would do anything for them.  What I wouldn’t do is burden one family. There are ways that parents can reciprocate and show that the efforts of the host family are appreciated.  I love the parents that recognize that it takes a village of moms and dads to entertain, educate and be there for OUR KIDS.  If you find that that there is that ONE hangout house, offer to send goodies. Take turns ordering pizza/food for the kids while they play at that one house. Another option is to offer to treat the host child to an amusement park, movie or dinner.  Take turn doing drop off and pick up.  There are ways that you can reciprocate.  Finally, teach the kids that when they go over to someone else’s house, they have to respect the rules and members of that house.  Say “please” and “thank you.”  Address the mom as Mrs. _____  and not “excuse me.”  Kids are not always sure how to address other moms and dads.  I’m still old fashioned and prefer Mrs. Bhatia.